More Worst Nightmares Of A Southerner

 10a) CBS announces NHL will be televised on Sunday afternoons from
      September to April.
 10b) Mussberger does the play-by-play.

  9a) Air-conditioners banned
  9b) Sun spots block out everything but gangsta' rap station.

  8a) Peabody Hotel becomes the Peabody Marriott
  8b) The Helmsley Peachtree Plaza.

  7a) Roseanne Arnold signs to play Scarlett in remake of GWTW
  7b) Arnold Shwarzeneiger signs to play Rhett.
      (Who else could carry Rosanne up the staircase?)

  6a) Largemouth bass declared endangered species
  6b) "Flying lure" grounded by the FAA.

  5a) Coca-cola bought by Japanese
  5b) The Varsity adds sushi to the menu.

  4a) DKNY shows evening gown made from Rebel flags
  4b) White House caves in to activists.  Hillary embarasses country
      by wearing pants to state dinner instead of new evening gown.

  3a) GM & Ford stop making pickup trucks
  3b) Bob Seager records "Like A Wok" for new Toyota truck commercial.

  2a) Vienna sausages forced to change to all-meat recipe
  2b) Mysterious disappearance of Smokey and UGA IV.

  1a) Ole Miss coed from Wisconsin wins Miss Mississippi
  1b) "Miss" Mississippi turns out to be Brian Saunders in drag.

`A' versions by Harry Boswell
`B' versions by Phil Harbison